Missing
Friday, Jun. 17, 2005
9:26 p.m.
With as much as I see my husband, I might as well not even be married.
I know we're going through a rough patch and this, too, shall pass. It's just hard to live through it. After we agreed that he would go to 3 NA meetings a week, he still goes to them pretty much daily. I guess he needs them, but I'm really feeling lonely. I miss my mate. I know people can't choose whether or not they have an addiction, but it seems really unfair that he gets to spend so much time and energy on his own mental well-being. I'm starting to feel a little jealous of how much freedom he has. It's much better than a binge. But when we first met, he had everything under control. It wasn't until after we were married & pregnant that his addiction started to be a problem again. It just sucks.
I'm glad I have my baby, though. I think I would go crazy without him. In fact, my son means more to me than my husband does. I never thought I would feel this way. I thought my feelings for them would be equal. But they're not, at least not now. My son needs me so much more than my husband does. My husband can take care of himself; he has before and he will in the future.
Oh, my god, I miss Greg so much. I think I saw him for all of 5 minutes today. And he is on his way to a 10:00 meeting. So he won't be home until after 11. I'll try to stay up that late, but I'm not sure I'll make it. And he's going to work tomorrow. He works 50 hours a week, he tries to spend time with his daughter, he goes to NA meetings every day. He doesn't even have time for a marriage and a baby.
I'm so afraid that my marriage will just disintegrate, that we'll just drift apart. That pretty soon, we'll have nothing in common. We're both changing right now, and in seemingly opposite directions.
I just miss him so much...
Miss One?
Moving On - Wednesday, Sept. 05, 2007
I remembered my password - Friday, Jul. 20, 2007
I need someone - Thursday, Apr. 20, 2006
I miss him - Tuesday, Apr. 18, 2006
Possibly the worst weekend of my life? - Sunday, Apr. 16, 2006
