Possibly the worst weekend of my life?

Sunday, Apr. 16, 2006
7:58 p.m.

I don't feel like re-typing this, so here is what I posted on my mommy board earlier today:

OK, usually when bad things happen in my life, I close off from the outside world, don't talk to my friends, etc. But that's not very healthy for me. So, here goes:

For years, Greg has struggled with drug addiction and depression. He was like that before he met me and I'm sure through his entire first marriage. The first two years we were together, he wasn't like that. I mean, he told me he had struggled with drugs in the past, but had conquered the addiction. When I was pregnant with Uther, he disappeared one night and I didn't know where he was. It turns out he was on a drug binge. He has done this a few times over the past year and a half. It's been stressful, but I've tried not to talk about it with other people, thinking that Greg and I could fix this on our own. He went to a therapist for awhile last fall, but he thought it was stupid after about 3 sessions.

Anyway...Friday night, we had Leah. Our friend, Diane, had stopped over for a couple minutes. When she was leaving, he said he would meet her out front and smoke a cigarette. He said he had to get something from the basement. So he left out the back door and she left out the front door. She said she lit her cigarette, and then walked around our building and he was sitting in his truck. As soon as he saw her, he drove off. WTF?

Well, apparently, he decided to go on a drug binge. I was trying to stay calm, cause Leah and Uther did not need a crazy mommy. Leah asked where Daddy was, & I said I didn't know. I gave her the option of staying here or I could take her back to her mom's house. She chose to be with her mom, because she was scared. (Who doesn't want their mom? I wanted mine then, too.) So I took her home. Oh, and my MIL had stopped by with my niece & nephew, too. So they all knew that Greg was missing. And his mom knew it was drugs...she was like, "I had hoped all that shit was behind him now."

I expected Greg to come home sometime in the middle of the night that night. But he didn't. So I tried to do normal stuff with Uther and keep my mind away from it. I went to Target, I went to a stupid Mary Kay party.

Last night, at about 1:30 AM, Greg called me to tell me he was going to kill himself. What the hell?!?!?!?! I convinced him to come home. We talked for another 2 hours and then I asked him to sleep and we would talk about it again in the morning. He said a few things to me like he really didn't want to kill himself...a few things that sounded like, "Help me." KWIM? So I think his phone call and his agreement to come home were ways to ask me to help him. Oh, and when we went to sleep, he asked me not to call anyone (like the police or 911) and I said I wouldn't as long as he stayed in the house. He kept his word.

He woke up this morning at about 11 AM. And he still felt the same way. So I took him up to the ER for a psych evaluation. And hopefully, they can transfer him to a psych facility for a few days. He needs some serious (probably lifelong) drug treatment. He is so depressed....far worse than I have ever been, and I have struggled with it, too. He's so deep in that black hole. I know I can't help him anymore. I think the only thing I could have done was to take him to the hospital.

The evaluation takes several hours, so I probably won't even know anything until this evening.

So, if you pray, please pray for him. If you don't (like me), please send positive energy his way. I just want him to be healthy and happy.

Thanks for listening. I love you girls.

As soon as my mom gets here to watch Uther, I'm going back up to the hospital. Greg left me a message a few minutes ago (while I was in the bathroom...grrrr!) and said it looks like he's headed to Shephard Pratt for a few days. Thank God!!! That's the best fucking thing for him.

I was reading online today about psych disorders and I'm pretty convinced he has bipolar. Fucking insane. I also found a message board about BP and from some of the descriptions and bullshit people go through, it sounds just like out situation. Wow.

I'm so cryed out and I know I look like shit. I need sleep. And I need to be a mommy to my little boy. This is very fucking stressful.

past - future

Miss One?

Moving On - Wednesday, Sept. 05, 2007
I remembered my password - Friday, Jul. 20, 2007
I need someone - Thursday, Apr. 20, 2006
I miss him - Tuesday, Apr. 18, 2006
Possibly the worst weekend of my life? - Sunday, Apr. 16, 2006

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