I miss him

Tuesday, Apr. 18, 2006
10:39 p.m.

I'm feeling kind of lonely right now. Today was the first day back at work after all the shit happened. Having a nice long weekend without work worries was nice. I mean, it was one less thing to worry about. But I feel like all I did today was run around and get little done! Well, that's not true, I got a lot done. But there was less "me" time.

And now I miss the physical touch. Even when Greg and I were arguing, I still made it a point to touch him. He needs physical touch so much and I try to fulfill that need for him. I need it not as much, but I still need it. Over the past 5 days, I've seen my husband so little. Today, I saw him for an hour. Yesterday, an hour. On Sunday, 20 minutes while he was not suicidal. And a couple hours while he was. Saturday, not at all. And Friday, about 30 minutes...and that was with everyone else around and lots of stuff going on.

So now it's bedtime and I need some big hugs. I need to be enveloped by him. I miss touching him.

I feel like I'm doing OK. But I'm running on lots of adrenaline. I've smoked a few cigarettes in the past couple days. I developed an annoying twitch under my left eye today. But that's not TOO bad, considering the circumstances, right?

I miss him so much...not even the crazy fucker he's been for the past few months. I miss the him way deep inside. The caring, insightful, intelligent, empathic, creative, funny, witty person he is.

OMG, I hope this marriage can survive all this crazy shit.

past - future

Miss One?

Moving On - Wednesday, Sept. 05, 2007
I remembered my password - Friday, Jul. 20, 2007
I need someone - Thursday, Apr. 20, 2006
I miss him - Tuesday, Apr. 18, 2006
Possibly the worst weekend of my life? - Sunday, Apr. 16, 2006

baby gaga