Sexuality
Sunday, Dec. 05, 2004
6:50 p.m.
Sexuality is such a fucked-up notion. It's so totally tied into my self-image as an adult. When I was 18 or so and a total whore, my desirability was so insanely important to me. I was hell-bent to fuck as many men as possible. Thank goodness that's not me anymore. But I still obsess over how desirable I am, how fuck-able I am.
Now that I'm in the third trimester of pregnancy, it seems that my body has ideas of its own. I'm always so horny but my body isn't. My body doesn't respond like it used to. My old tricks to "get in the mood" are no longer reliable. And when I do get to have sex, I can never find a comfortable position, or the baby is moving and it's distracting, or I have to pee, or I have heartburn. My body wants totally different things than my mind.
I was also afraid that Greg found me less desirable because of the pregnancy. And after talking, it sounds like I was right! This sucks! I know it's not because my big belly, my huge tits, or my spreading hips are repulsive to him. I know they're not...he finds lots of women who are heavier than me attractive. It's that he worries about me, worries about my health, worries about how I'm feeling, worries about my exhaustion levels. And it seems like I've become less of a sexual being in his eyes.
And I know this won't necessarily resolve itself once we have the baby. It's no secret that newborn usually means NO SEX!
How can I resolve my own self-image to my husband's image of me? How can I resolve what I want to what my body wants? How can I resolve sexuality with impending motherhood?
Miss One?
Moving On - Wednesday, Sept. 05, 2007
I remembered my password - Friday, Jul. 20, 2007
I need someone - Thursday, Apr. 20, 2006
I miss him - Tuesday, Apr. 18, 2006
Possibly the worst weekend of my life? - Sunday, Apr. 16, 2006
