I'm Fucking Crazy
Sunday, Nov. 21, 2004
1:12 p.m.
I feel like, in the past 24 hours, I've turned into a psycho crazy bitch. What is WRONG with me?!?!?!?!
I'm so tired all the time, I don't sleep well (nice combo, huh?), I snore and wake myself up, I have bad/odd dreams, I pee all night, my arms always fall asleep because I'm laying on one or the other. I'm always hot; in fact, right now, I'm wearing shorts and a cap-sleeved t-shirt, next to an open window. My hair is out of control and is contributing to my constant overheating.
And I feel so cut off, emotionally, from my husband. And cut off in every way from everyone else. Like, I'm stuck in my own little world of pregnancy and baby. I find that I can barely join in conversations not about the baby because they're just not interesting. What is more interesting than my baby? That's right, nothing! What's more important that my baby? That's right, nothing. I don't think men get it at all. Growing this child within your body and getting to know the child within you are so powerful, so all-encompasing. There is nothing else for me right now. I'm really annoyed having to deal with the intricacies of everyday life, because it takes away from the time I can spend thinking about my son. And don't even get me started on work! Work is so not important to me; it's so inconsequential.
I blew up at my nephew last night...he's 15, so I don't feel bad like I scarred him for life or anything. I asked him to pass me the remote (which he stashed over on his side of the couch, by the way) and he tried to goof around and not give it to me. I grabbed it and smacked him on the arm with it. He grabbed it back and smacked me. Then I was like, in my Demon voice, "Don't hit me, motherfucker. If you try that shit again, you're out of the house." Niiiiice, huh? Especially since it was in slow-motion Demon voice. Then, I went up to my room to be alone and fell asleep almost immediately.
Today, I got pissed off at a pot I had just washed. It wasn't cooperating, so I threw it across the room. Damn inanimate objects!
I'm having a lot of trouble keeping swelling at bay. Even if I drink enough water and don't eat any salt, I still cannot find enough time to sit with my feet up. Even on the weekends! I don't think Greg gets it, either. Like, this morning, we went out to breakfast, then picked up my brother, went grocery shopping, dropped off my brother, stopped by the gas station, I put away groceries, and then did the dishes. Oh, and then I changed into shorts. And I realized my whole body was swollen. ARGH!!! I'm just doing the regular Sunday chores. What the fuck?!?!?! How can I do LESS work? It's not possible. I was going to do laundry today, but maybe not. It seems like it may be too much for me.
You know, with the swollen body, overheating, sleeplessness, and general craziness.
Miss One?
Moving On - Wednesday, Sept. 05, 2007
I remembered my password - Friday, Jul. 20, 2007
I need someone - Thursday, Apr. 20, 2006
I miss him - Tuesday, Apr. 18, 2006
Possibly the worst weekend of my life? - Sunday, Apr. 16, 2006
