Bitching
Saturday, Oct. 16, 2004
10:04 a.m.
Being a stepmom fucking sucks. You have no fucking legal rights whatsoever. So, even though Dad wants to "co" raise a child together, it's only co-raising until Dad doesn't want it to be. So, Dad wants to take her away for the day and make her miss her cousin's birthday party, just because Dad wants to. And there's nothing I can do about it.
This step-parenting shit is waaaaaaay fucking hard. This kid is not mine, nor will she ever be, as much as I want her to be. Or as much as I love her, as much as I commit to her. She will never be my kid. She will always belong to two other people (besides herself, of course).
I'm tired of being Discipline Mommy and him being Cool Daddy. Sure, he disciplines more than Stupid Fuck, but I think everyone disciplines more than she does. I'm tired of the "park her in front of the TV" parenting philosophy. That's not parenting. But how long does it need to go on until I butt in? And how far do my rights extend? Sure, he said he wants me to be her parent as much as he is, but I don't think he really means it. So, most of the time, I silently defer to him. And then when he makes no decision or a decision I think is bad, I get so annoyed. But what rights do I have to negate him? Sometimes I do and sometimes I stay quiet. So, of course, I look like a fucking mental case with a split personality.
I guess I'm letting all my parenting frustrations build up until they explode. And I keep doing it. It seems like we argue ALL THE TIME about parenting. I want this to stop!!! But I want him to step up to the plate and have the high standards that I have! I guess I also want him to NOTICE when things are building and stop them, rather than letting them explode. I assume he sees them, but he probably doesn't. Sure, he's an empathic man. But he's still a MAN. Men just don't see all those nuances, all that shit under the surface.
And when he gets mad, he needs, like, 8 hours to be ready to talk about it. Ugh! I'm ready about 15 minutes after I blow up. His extended time works against me because by the time he's ready to talk, I'm no longer angry and I just let it go. And then it comes up a month later. Urgh! I wish he were ready to talk when I'm ready to talk. This is so frustrating!
10:32
OK, he just came to try to talk to me for a second and acted like the most pompous ass motherfucker dick sucker fucking fuck on the fucking planet. FUCK HIM!!!! I am soooo done with his fucking attitude and the fact that he's the fucking rational one and he's the one who is never fucking at fault. FUCK HIM!!!!!!!!!! He's always right because I'm crazy and emotional. I'm the one with a fucking mental deficit/disease. I'm the one who always starts the arguments. He gets so angry that he can never see beyond what he thinks I've said. And usually, when we resolve stuff, it turns out that he has been misunderstanding me totally. I swear, I don't know how the fuck we fell in love, because he misunderstands everything I say. I'm getting so annoyed by it. I have never met anyone who twists my words as much as he does.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And I get to see my family today, without my husband and without my step-daughter. Thanks for flaunting our problems in front of my family. That makes me feel super-fucking-great. I really appreciate it. Asshole.
Miss One?
Moving On - Wednesday, Sept. 05, 2007
I remembered my password - Friday, Jul. 20, 2007
I need someone - Thursday, Apr. 20, 2006
I miss him - Tuesday, Apr. 18, 2006
Possibly the worst weekend of my life? - Sunday, Apr. 16, 2006
