Parenting
Monday, Mar. 10, 2003
12:14 p.m.
I don't know anyone's views on parenting, but here are some of mine:
First of all, here's the background of how Greg and I were raised. Greg's parents worked a lot when he was young and he was often watched by grandparents and uncles. Everyone was permitted to discipline him and he had to listen to ALL adults. When I was growing up, only my mom was the disciplinarian. That's how she was raised, too...her mom disciplined, her dad did whatever. So that's how she raised me & my sister. My step-dad almost never disciplined me. But, on a few occasions, he stood up for me & convinced my mom to let me do things that she would not have otherwise permitted. At my dad's house, I never really got into trouble, so no one disciplined me. My sister got a few spankings when she was VERY young, but she was also pretty good. When I was 19, I got in trouble with my dad over grades and he and I had a serious and horrible (in my mind) discussion. But that was about it. So, now with Star, Greg expects all adults in her life to discipline her. It's a little uncomfortable for me, since I myself was not disciplined by others. But I'm adjusting to it. Greg and I have had numerous discussions about it. And he and I are both much happier when I am also a disciplinarian. And Star listens to me...I just need to be an adult.
So, on Saturday, she took a nap for about 30 minutes. Then she woke up & wanted daddy. Greg put her back into bed and told her to go back to sleep. She laid in bed for another hour, screaming and crying. Fine, understandable. She's fighting sleep. Well, several times, she got out of bed and came to the door, which was totally against the rules. So Greg spanked her. Then, she kept doing it and I spanked her a couple of times & stuck her back into bed. Finally, it was just not working. So Greg picked her up and hugged her, etc. You could tell she wanted to go back to sleep. Well, he and I both think that she needs to learn to go to sleep on her own, not cuddling with daddy or mommy Misty.
He was frazzled and unsure what to do. I was frazzled and unsure what to do. Then, I suggested...she wants to be up, okay be up. But no cuddling with an adult to try to go back to sleep. If you want to be up, then get up and play with your toys. No more naps for the rest of the day. And stay up until bedtime. Greg was fine with that. Neither one of us wants her to grow up to be a spolied brat. I want her to be an independent woman. My mom raised me that way and I like it. A lot. In fact, my sister and I are now independant to a fault. But, anyway...Star was so tired the rest of the day and she tried to lie down. Nope, we woke her back up. She fell asleep in my lap around 7. And I shook her back awake. We let her go to bed around 8 (her bedtime is anywhere from 8-9).
And I think it worked. Actions and consequences. That's how I want to raise her. We will not spoil her (except with love, which is what all kids need). We will not cater to her. We will raise her to trust herself, to count on herself, and not to expect someone to come along and rescue her. We will raise her to believe that she can do anything she wants to do.
And we have to be so strict with her because her mother is so lenient. It's tough and frustrating. I wish her mother were on the same page as us. Of course, Evil Misty expects someone (a man?) to scoop her up and resuce her. It makes me fucking sick. I, on the other hand, expect to be the breadwinner in my family, I want a partner who takes care of the babies and at-home stuff. I want to run my life and rescue myself. I don't need a fucking man to save me. I don't need my parents to save me (which is something Evil Misty needs right now, too...her mother lives with her and pays the bills...ugh!). And I don't want Star to grow up into her mother! I want her to grow up into a woman from my family. We are all fiercely independant. And we fucking like it!
OK...enough ranting...
Miss One?
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