Bad Hospital Experience

Wednesday, Feb. 09, 2005
2:14 p.m.

I am so angry and frustrated and sad and I need to get this out.

Midwife appointment this morning was scheduled for 10:00. Got there at 9:50 and waited until 11:00 to be seen. I wasn't too annoyed by this. After all, there was only one midwife there and the woman who was eating up everyone else's time was a total lollygagging dawdling bitch. So I blame her, not the midwife.

So, once I was seen, I found out the following: I'm still only 50% effaced and not very dilated. Like, not the 6 cm I thought I was.

So the plan was to do a Non Stress Test today, along with Cervidil. And then repeat on Saturday. And then if nothing happens, induce on Monday. Fine.

So as Greg and I were leaving the office, I had to stop and cry because my body isn't doing what I want it to do. Sure, it's doing what it needs to do; but that's not on the Western medicine timetable. Now, I'm racing against the clock and I really fucking hate it.

So, we went to the hospital's L&D for the NST. We walked in around 11:30 and I was finally hooked up to the machine at about 12:10. It was so boring...thank God I had a book to read. Around 12:30 my midwife came in and gave me the cervidil and told the nurse that I needed to continue to be monitored for 30 minutes. And she left at about 12:40.

No one came into the room between 12:40 and 1:10. Although, the fucking machine stopped working a few times. I wish the hospital staff had been more on the ball in monitoring their own machines!!! So, at 1:10, I took the sensor things off my belly and got dressed. As Greg and I attempted to walk out of the room, we were accosted by a nurse. She was like, "Who said you could leave?" She looked at the NST printout and said, "I wouldn't let you leave with these readings." So? I told her I would leave AMA. She said she would get the paperwork. And instead of doing that, she just got the head nurse so that I could be lectured some more. I was still insistent that I leave AMA. I was thirsty, hungry, crabby, and I knew my own body and that of my son's. I knew we were both fucking FINE!!! So, before the Evil Head Nurse let me sign the form that says I'm leaving AMA, she said, "You should know that if you leave against medical advice, you may put yourself and your baby at risk. It could even lead to the baby's DEATH."

OH.

MY.

FUCKING.

GOD!

Was this fucking bitch trying to use scare tactics on me?!?!?!?!?!

That made me crazy!!!!!!! Who do you think I am?!?!?!

1. Do you think I've done NO research whatsoever?

2. Do you think I don't know my own body?

3. Do you think I don't know my baby's body?

4. Do you think I can't accept eveything that goes along with AMA? I.e. I, and only I, am the one responsible if anything goes wrong. In fact, my insurance may refuse to cover it. I knew all of this when I signed the fucking paper!!!

I think that Fucking Head Nurse just thought I was some scared 18-year-old first-time mother! Guess what! I'm not!!!

And I HATE how I was made to feel like the Bad Guy for THEIR shitty attitudes! Hey, maybe if you had monitored your machine more closely, there would have been some good readings!

Fuck modern medicine!!!

Next time, I'm hiring a lay midwife and having the baby at home. That will be so much better than this bullshit!!!!!!!!!

I've just been crying since we left the hospital. Partly because I'm sad about my body, partly because I'm pissed at those evil fucking nurses. And partly because I'm not happy about this pregnancy anymore...I need to mourn the fact that I'm not going to have the labor and delivery that I want.

This sucks.

past - future

Miss One?

Moving On - Wednesday, Sept. 05, 2007
I remembered my password - Friday, Jul. 20, 2007
I need someone - Thursday, Apr. 20, 2006
I miss him - Tuesday, Apr. 18, 2006
Possibly the worst weekend of my life? - Sunday, Apr. 16, 2006

baby gaga